“Election” Returns

(Taken from the Pike County News-Herald-Republican-Watchman-Tribune of November 7, 2007)

Pike County, OH– (Ben Dover, staff writer) In a bizarre turn of events, the At-Large seat for North Jackson Township Trustee was won by the Realtor chain Re/Max. The home selling business was not on the ballot and won as a result of an intensive write in campaign. When contacted, representatives from the business refused to answer questions about the election, but did try to pressure this reporter into buying a house in the North Jackson Township area. A press release stating that they did not campaign, and would not serve, was released by the Realtor early this morning.

Interviews with local residents paint a different picture than that painted by the home selling giant. Mr. James Truthsbury of North Jackson Pike Road stated “his campaign signs were posted all over the place for months and months. Real professional signs, too. Not like those hand painted ones Whitt, Maloy and Harris use every year. It seems that most of the folks in this area were supporting him. I didn’t want to have to sit in the barbershop and get ribbed about backing a loser, again. So, I wrote him in.”

Ms. Falsy Higginbotham of Mill St. in the village of Alpha claimed “Mr. Max has been trustee before, right? All them signs were for his reelection, right? Signs saying ‘Re/Max’ is a clever way to tell us to reelect Max, right? Besides, he’s rich, right? That was his campaign that has all them hot air balloons, right?”

A constituent that wished to remain anonymous told us “he was more patriotic than the other candidates, what with all his sign’s being red, white and blue; not like them others with their white signs with red or blue or green letters, and such, and I figured anyone still waving the flag sure deserved my vote, and hey; what paper are you from, I see you are not wearing an American Flag lapel pin, your paper must be anti-American so don’t you dare use my name or I’ll sue.”

When asked for comments, candidates Faith Whitt and Steadman Harris issued a joint statement announcing that they would not be seeking a recount because “the people have spoken.” The third candidate running for the North Jackson Township At-Large trustee seat, Buster Maloy, was driving a school bus at press time and could not be reached for comment.

This reporter visited the area, and indeed nearly a third of the households had signs in their yards to Re(elect) Max. It should be noted that a Mr. Coldwell Banker, also a write in candidate, placed second in the election and will serve the term of office if indeed Mr. Max resigns.

{The political lamp is lit}

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4 Responses

  1. That is rife with hilarity …

    And I actually have heard the phrase “don’t you dare use my name or I’ll sue” more than once in my career. Depending on circumstances, responses from me have included “Well, go ahead and sue, if you want, but you’ll lose” or “Don’t worry, I’m not quoting you because what you said was stupid.” OK, I never really said that last one … but I’ve thought it a million times.

    — Steve

  2. I have been contacted by RE/MAX International. Well, by the editor of their member’s only website. They want to put the full text of this post there with a link back to here. I told them to go for it. Not sure it will happen. I guess I’ll know if I start getting click-throughs from an internal RE/MAX website.

  3. I imagine RE/MAX has a fairly sophisticate PR machine, to have jumped on this one so quickly. Many big corporations have staffers who cull references to the company or its products from the press, and work to assure the company is referred to with a certain amount of reverence, accuracy, etc. At newspapers, we usually hear about it if one of our reporters forgets to capitalize Frisbee, for instance, or refers to a trash bin as a dumpster. A Dumpster, capitalized, refers to a specific brand of trash bin, you see, and the makers of Dumpsters want the world to know that.

    It’s a funny, funny world.

    — Steve

  4. […] the winner was not on the ballot and won as part of an intensive write in campaign. Unlike the 2007 midterm election where a national realtor chain won the At-Large seat, there is no individual, business or organization that can be contacted for comment about the win. […]

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